When You’re Sliding Into First and You Feel Something Burst, Diarrhea…Diarrhea…

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This blog entry about the events of Monday, October 27, 2003 was originally posted on October 28, 2003.

DAY 9: “El domingo pasado, miro una pelicula divertido sobre una abuela que tener una casa, pero ella le va a perder a menos que gana $250,000.  Entonces, su nieto juga golf — pero dice muchas malas palabras en el television!  Hubo un beep y beep y beeep…”

Translation:  “Last Sunday, I saw a funny movie about a grandmother who has a house, but she is going to lose it unless she earns $250,000.  So, her grandson plays golf — but says many bad words on the television!  There was a beep and beep and beeep….”

Oh!  ¡Es ‘Happy Gilmore!’”

”¡Si!  Esta muy divertido.”

This was just one of the tangents that sprung out of my daily conversations with my tutor Rosa.  She described other movies in Spanish that she had seen, of which I replied, ”?Oh, es ‘Demolition Man’ con Sylvester Stallone y Sandra Bullock!” and ”?Oh, ‘Licensed to Drive’ con Corey Feldman y Corey Haim!”

And you thought the Coreys were just washed out child stars that nobody remembered anymore.

TRAVELERS’ DIARRHEA IS A TERM used to describe the inevitable case of the runs one gets when eating in other countries, particularly lesser developed ones.  For the past week I was fine, probably because I was only eating in restaurants.  But now that I’m eating home-cooked meals, my stomach has to adjust to the real local food.  It does this by excreting chunky liquid feces as often as President Bush mispronounces a word.

I felt the first bubbling in my stomach during morning class.  It must have been from the orange juice at breakfast, or the water the fresh fruits were washed in.  Gradually it built up in my stomach and I couldn’t wait to get back home.  Who cares about the verb for “to be able”? — I had to go!  However, I was detained for a bit because I had shown Rosa the book I was in and she wanted to photocopy it for her English tutoring as well as get my autograph.  Oh, the price my bowels pay for a little fame.

I rushed back home and immediately went to the bathroom to let my ass vomit.  It made bubbly sounds similar to a drip coffee maker when it’s coming to the end of its brew.  The water in the house was working again, so it was an easy flush this time — but I took a picture for my blogfans before doing so.


MY MOTHER BACK IN NEW JERSEY has had this unbelievable power for as long as I’ve known to scope out a Chinese restaurant in any town whenever we’d go on a family trip, no matter how remote.  She’s like the Terminator of Lo Mein.  Perhaps this gene was passed down to me, because I went out looking for one and found one immediately.  I had heard from an Englishwoman that I must try the Chinese food in South America because it’s different from the stuff back home. 

A Chinese restaurant wasn’t hard to find — there are several — and I ordered a sopa de wantan and chaulufan de pollo (chicken fried rice).  The wonton soup was rather different — it had smaller wontons, more meat and lots of shredded lettuce — but the chicken fried rice was more or less the same, but not as greasy. 

Afterwards, I ran home with another explosive case of diarrhea.


IT WAS ANOTHER RAINY DAY in Quito, so I spent the afternoon indoors at the Museo Nacional del Banco Centro del Ecuador.  It hosts many artifacts from ancient times to the Age of Catholicism.  I snuck in some photos (above) with my little spy camera until a guard stopped me, just as I was trying to get a photo of this cool-looking mummy skull.  It’s a shame I couldn’t take anymore photos because there was one classical painting of the Virgin Mary breast feeding Baby Jesus.  And why wouldn’t the internet need a picture of Jesus sucking on a titty?

I was walking back in the rain with my Elvis Costello fedora on when I felt the rumbling in my stomach again.  Inside, it was like a foam party in Ibiza — bubbly, wild and ready to explode.  That and the inhalation of bus fumes really got my sick and I felt like vomitting.  When I got back at the house I “perked” some more “chunky coffee,” twice within half an hour. 


I HELPED BLANCA AND GABI set the table for dinner and then we all dined on more traditional Ecuadorean dishes — a corn-based soup, salchichas and tortillas de mais con queso — all of which I hoped had no laxative properties.  Dinners are always good because there is forced conversation in Spanish and its great practice for me.  Blanca corrects us whenever we’re wrong or explains definitions in Spanish.  Gabi is more or less your regular apathetic teenager-type; whenever she’s home, she just vegges and watches soap operas in her room, but helps around as needed. 

I showed my book off to Blanca and she was totally surprised.  “Hay un escritor en mi casa!”  (“There is a writer in my house!”)  And with Ani being a doctor, she couldn’t be more proud:  “Mis dos niños…  ¡Un escritor y un medico!”  (“My two boys…A writer and a doctor!”)  All the times I was out late to write in an internet cafe, she just assumed I was out drunk at a bar somewhere.

After dinner, I asked Ani if he was having any stomach problems and he said no.  And he had only eaten the same food that I had eaten in the house.  Weird.

I went to my room and took an Immodium, hoping that the Ibizan foam parties in my belly would soon come to an end.






Next entry: My Big Fake Gay Wedding

Previous entry: Shit Happens




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Comments for “When You're Sliding Into First and You Feel Something Burst, Diarrhea...Diarrhea...”

  • great poo pic!....and have to say this is the funniest blog yet!!  jesus sucking on a titty is classic!

    Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)  on  10/28  at  01:51 AM


  • elvis costello,
    oh boy! diarrhea cha-cha-cha! i hope the ibiza fiestas in your stomach settle down soon.  doesn’t sound like much of a party for you.

    sharing is caring..that photo was DISGUSTING!!! i didn’t even let it load all the way. had to close the window as fast as i could. GROSS!!!

    (i’m not jealous)

    Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)  on  10/28  at  01:56 AM


  • hahaha.. that poo pic looked like the crap i took this morning!

    Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)  on  10/28  at  02:03 AM


  • That picture was so gnarly I swear I could smell it from here.

    Posted by dunlavey  on  10/28  at  02:14 AM


  • ooooooo…....erik, what a gross gross photo….but I am glad you shared it us. I much rather seen the 4 logs, but what can ya do.

    Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)  on  10/28  at  02:30 AM


  • Yesterday we read of your faeces and today we see it!

    You promissed to deliver with this blog, and boy are you bringin’ it! Correct me if am wrong but did you also coin a new term? “Ass vommit!”

    Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)  on  10/28  at  02:53 AM


  • that poo pic was nasty, yet the best pic so far! ha. Hope your tummy’s settled down. Good thing the plumbing is working again!

    Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)  on  10/28  at  02:58 AM


  • Disgusting! I feel for that poor old woman. Gringos stinking up the house like that…geez.

    Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)  on  10/28  at  03:17 AM


  • dude.. soup looks yummy. The cow tea kettle reminds me of the IKEA commercial. And please don’t light a match! You’ll blow yourself back to the states!

    Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)  on  10/28  at  03:46 AM


  • The hypochondriac now has diarrhea.  Pretty nasty pic, but keep ‘em coming!  It makes the day go by so quickly.

    Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)  on  10/28  at  08:50 AM


  • I knew I shouldn’t have opened that picture!  LMAO I could’ve lived without it.

    Hope you feel better soon, travelers diarrhea SUCKS!

    Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)  on  10/28  at  12:14 PM


  • i was this ______ close to clicking on that picture but its a bit too early in day to gag.

    thanks for sharing though.

    Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)  on  10/28  at  12:30 PM


  • I got the “The Global Trip” canvas bag!  It’s so cool!  smile  Oh, and thanks for sharing your diarrhea problems.  *yuk!*  :p But I hope you’re feeling better.

    Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)  on  10/28  at  12:36 PM


  • i don’t think that corn soup and the corn tortillas with cheese are going to help your runs. and having chinese either. nothing says greasy like chinese food.

    Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)  on  10/28  at  01:44 PM


  • i can’t bring myself to look at the picture…. sorry… but i wanted to tell you that i got my book yesterday.  congrats again!  i loved reading that story again.  it’s so cute.  but i still didn’t get my global trip baby tee yet.  what’s up with that?

    Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)  on  10/28  at  02:06 PM


  • ur trip sound s cool good luck wit it

    Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)  on  10/28  at  02:35 PM


  • It’s good to see that someone is going through about the same thing as I am. At about the same time. I got “the package” about a month ago and have been busy planning my trip since then. I leave on November 10th.

    Finding your website was ideal inspiration for a longer trip - I’d planned 6 months. We’ll see where it all goes from here.

    First stop for me is a month in NZ, through Asia, and then on to Africa/Middle East/whatever. Perhaps we’ll meet up along the way somewhere.

    Keep the good news coming - your website is great.

    Jeff

    Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)  on  10/28  at  03:07 PM


  • My students were appalled that there was a picture of Erik’s excrement.

    Of course, they did not have to look!

    Posted by Cathy DeMarco  on  10/28  at  04:01 PM


  • What a piece of shit!
    I can totally relate to you…i crap
    twice a day, and that’s normal!  Immodium with every meal is a good start to relieve your ailment…
    that and lots of alcohol!!

    Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)  on  10/28  at  05:00 PM


  • glad to hear not everyone was appaulded by my feces…  put it this way…  I had multiple picts from shits throughout the day, but I’ve spared you from them…

    and yes, Td0t, I did try to coin the phrase “ass vomit”!

    thanks for the props guys…  the next blog entry should be more interesting, but without the all that crap (pun intended)

    Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)  on  10/28  at  09:10 PM


  • Erik I hope you get laid real soon, so we get to see eric sex pics rather than ass vomit. If the imodium does’nt do the job stop by cubicle in the class & I’ll give you a lomotil

    Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)  on  10/29  at  12:31 AM


  • first off….your spanish is kicking ass for just one week of class!  and second….keep the poo stories coming!

    Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)  on  10/29  at  12:15 PM


  • more feces, please!

    Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)  on  10/29  at  04:03 PM


  • So ERT comes online for the second time today, and I decide to chat.  In media res, I’m reading a day old blog… low and behold, a toilet picture!  Reminds me of when I’ve eaten only veggies for a couple of days. Since you say there are so many germans in Quito… I challenge you to take a picture of Herr Kraus in a speedo?

    Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)  on  10/29  at  07:43 PM


  • E,

    Nice shot.  smile  It looks just like the Indian dish daal, which is why I have never been able to stomach it.  Bleh. 

    I’ve been waiting to get hit with the Delhi Belly, but so far no rumblings from me or Ant.  You’d think after 7 weeks in India, I’d have succumb at least once, but luckily not. 

    Keep up the poopin.

    PC

    Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)  on  10/30  at  05:39 AM


  • ass-vomit, eh? I’ve always used “exploding ass” to describe the sensation. I couldn’t bring myself to check the pic… I’d rather remember you in the fedora.

    Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)  on  11/02  at  07:22 PM


  • found your chinese, restaurant huh…....bet the name was chifa______right? 90 percent of all chinese restaurants begin with chifa, i heard u tasted the allmighty qwee (guinea pigs), the food of the gods….good man…....now u have to eat, yawarlocro…...its some type of soup served with coagulated cow or pig or something blood which u put on top…......looks like red powder….....ive tasted it, dont recall the taste, but did finish the soup….......if u do eat it…........take another toilet picture to see what type of fecal result that gives u Also try ornado, or yapingachos, fritada, u probably heard of that as well

    Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)  on  11/02  at  11:45 PM


  • oh, you’re cruel!  i don’t know what got into me when i clicked on that link to ...ugh…!  i hesitated for a while, but then i thought, “he can’t possibly be that nasty”, but you sure are!  never again will i underestimate your ability to post nasty stuff.  eeck!  but hey, you got me to post a comment!  i’ve been meaning to actually.  i just had to catch up.  and i still am grin

    Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)  on  11/06  at  01:46 PM


  • Erik - this is Mike from Quito - your ?better half?from the SA Explorer?s club!  I plan on heading down to Banos this weekend - are you going to be down there?  If so, where at?

    Posted by .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)  on  11/06  at  07:47 PM


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This blog post is one of over 500 travel dispatches from the trip blog, "The Global Trip 2004: Sixteen Months Around The World (Or Until Money Runs Out, Whichever Comes First)," originally hosted by BootsnAll.com. It chronicled a trip around the world from October 2003 to March 2005, which encompassed travel through thirty-seven countries in North America, South America, Africa, Europe, and Asia. It was this blog that "started it all," where Erik evolved and honed his style of travel blogging — it starts to come into focus around the time he arrives in Africa.

Praised and recommended by USA Today, RickSteves.com, and readers of BootsnAll and Lonely Planet's Thorn Tree, The Global Trip blog was selected by the editors of PC Magazine for the "Top 100 Sites You Didn't Know You Couldn't Live Without" (in the travel category) in 2005.


Next entry:
My Big Fake Gay Wedding

Previous entry:
Shit Happens




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